A Walk

I will freely admit that I pushed my walk into the corner of my mind, and only recently unfurled it when I visited the blog on Saturday night. Therefore, at approximately one o’clock pm on Sunday, I donned some old jeans and my grey sweatshirt, and headed out for a walk. I debated on whether or not to take my phone, and finally decided to leave it at home. It had become a distraction, like so many other “necessary” aspects of my life.
Upon setting out, I did not have a specific place in mind where I wished to journey. I passed by the houses that I see every day, trying to think of something deep or profound, yet my mind kept turning back to sports, a subject with which I always seem to be preoccupied. I decided to try and stop thinking, hoping that something would pop into my head of its own accord, and instead just focused on the passing surroundings. Yet that didn’t work either. Everything I saw was to familiar, so ordinary and every day, that I once again was right back where I started when I had begun my walk…nowhere. It was at this point that I veered off course and made my way down to the Des Moines Marina. I walked all the way to the edge of the pier, and stared dumbly into the depths of the water, hoping that it might reveal some hidden mystery from under its black surface. After a little while I came to notice a small jellyfish drifting through the waters. Normally I would have ignored such an insignificant sighting, yet something about its movement caught my attention. It didn’t seem to be moving in any obvious direction; instead it just drifted to and fro with the ocean waters. That was when I realized that my life was just like that of the jellyfish. Though I try to make my own way in the world, I am subject to the whims and demands of both humans and other forces, and I cannot escape them just as the jellyfish can’t hop out of the ocean. Though the ocean looks wide and free, the jellyfish is bound by its various tides and currents. In the same way, even though modern society preaches that there is equal opportunity and choice for everyone, I feel trapped in a cage, and I’m unsure whether this feeling comes from a lack of freedom or too much of it. Every aspect of my life; sports, school work, family, college, feels like another bar that encloses me, and prevents me from escaping. Yet why should I want to escape? My life is better than those of most people in the world, so why should I be so selfish and spurn all the blessings that I have received? I still don’t have an answer to that question. At the bottom of our assignment sheet it said Go finding, yet what I found out about myself was not joyful or inspiring. I discovered that I am woefully unable to answer simple questions about myself, questions that I must answer in order to grow mentally and emotionally.