culture of earth

It has been just over a year since my ship crash landed on this foul and lonesome planet known as earth. In my time on here on this planet I have been able to observe these homo sapiens in their natural habitats, and in this report I will give a detailed account of their customs and habits. One of the most interesting practices I see them carrying out is watching black, boxlike objects that have pictures inside them for most of the day. These “television sets” are omnipresent in human society and seem to be just as essential to human beings as water and air. As a side note, the air on this planet tastes foul and rank, it is like breathing in poison, no wonder these creatures live to be only about eighty years old. Going back to these “televisions”, it is hard to imagine what can hold the humans in such a daze. I have actually witnessed several specimens who have been recorded watching television for twenty hours, which surmounts to an entire earth day. Strictly for the purpose of gathering more data, I subjected myself to the watching of television for a short time. I discovered that there are different “channels” of television that show different pictures. One channel showed only pictures of food, but you could not eat it, which was infuriating to me, as earth food looks much better than what I am used to eating back home. All of the different channels have other humans in them. If the humans wanted to watch each other, they could have just walked around the streets, as there is no shortage of them on this planet. So great is their dependency on television that I cut the power of a street to see the reaction that it would create. It was as though a bomb had just dropped out of the sky: mass pandemonium ensued as they scrambled for light making devices and yelled at one another in the dark. I am convinced that should we ever invade this planet, all that would be required to conquer the natives would be to destroy all of their television sets. Instead of talking with their families or doing positive manual labor, humans simply sit back and watch the television, as if all their problems will be solved if they just peer into the magical screen. I continue to wait for the day when I can leave this miserable planet and return home.